Ask The Preacher's Wife: When Will God Send Me My Boaz?
“Dear Lady Mel,
Listen, I’m so tired of waiting for Boaz! I was taught the story of Ruth and Boaz, and I believe that I’m doing everything I can so my Boaz will notice me and hurry up and put a ring on it!
I don’t understand the problem. I love Jesus. I go to church regularly. I tithe. And, I can cook. I am persistent in prayer and I feel like God is ignoring me or worse, that God is punishing me for the things I did in my college years (there were lots of things).
When will God send me my Boaz? I’m ready!”
Dear Siani,
I can’t lie. I chuckled while reading this!
No, I don’t think your plight is funny. However, I can certainly empathize with where you are.
First, God is NOT punishing you. God does not operate like us. When we repent, God forgives AND forgets. It is not God’s desire to harm God’s children.
In my response in Ask The Preacher’s Wife: How Can I Stay Saved, Single and Sanctified, I detailed the yearning I felt as a single woman waiting for God to send me a husband. If I can be honest, that time of waiting didn’t always feel good.
I mean, I tried crying and snotting all night long. My husband didn’t come.
I tried bartering with God. My husband still didn’t come.
I tried saying “God I submit it all to you” at least 10 times every 30 minutes. My husband still didn’t come.
It wasn’t until a lunch date with my girlfriends from high school that the Holy Spirit convicted me in the middle of a restaurant, and I was truly able to submit my single life to God.
I truly focused on becoming content in Christ.
That’s when God moved.
An Out of Context Word
What if I told you that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you are using the story of Ruth and Boaz to promote a patriarchal and skewed view of God’s desire for you as a woman?
About 2 years prior to meeting my husband, I remember going to a Women’s retreat. I had just ended a summer dating situation, and I was so annoyed that I even wasted my time with such a lying loser who was in NO WAY close to what God desired for me.
I knew in the pit of my stomach that this guy wasn’t the one…just like I’d known on so many other occassions. But I persisted, because what if this guy was like Boaz and just hadn’t recognized my awesomeness?
Puh-Leeze! Dude was a bum! Periodt! (and that’s the nice version of my description).
As I sat in the women’s retreat, I listed to older women describe their “situationships”, and I grew depressed that so many women seemed to be wasting their lives waiting on “Boaz” to come and rescue them from their misery.
Truthfully, we’ve gotten the story all twisted and jacked up.
Elimelech, Naomi (his wife) and their two sons, Mahlon and Chilion lived in Moab. Originally from Bethlehem of Judah, the family left the land because of a famine. Elimelek died. Both of Naomi’s sons married Moabite women, and within 10 years, the sons died also, leaving Naomi and her daughters-in-law outside the kin group of her husband.
The custom of this patriarchal society dictated that a woman needed to be covered by the protection of their family. These women were lacking provision and protection and were destined for starvation and desolation.
Long story short, because I ain’t got all day, Ruth left her Moabite gods and decided to worship the God of Abraham, Naomi’s God, and stay with Naomi.
In walks Naomi’s distant cousin-in-law, Boaz, looking like a tall, dark, tanned old testament snack.
Boaz was wealthy and if he desired, could take care of Ruth, Naomi and Naomi’s other sister-in-law. However, in order for that to happen, Ruth needed to be noticed by Boaz so he would take her as his wife.
Enter television haze and dreaminess
You’ve read about this biblical passage, and most women envision it as a beautiful love scene, showing Ruth with flowing locs (or blonde hair if you’ve not deconstructed the white-washed version of Christianity) as Kenny G plays the saxophone in the distance.
And then, Ruth throws herself onto the threshing floor, with her silk robe revealing her greased kneecap, and waits at Boaz’s feet until she is noticed. And when the Henny wore off, Boaz gazed upon the stunning Ruth and said “Woman, with yo fine self, I’ve been waiting for you all this time”.
It was love at first sight. And Ruth and Boaz married at dawn and rode off into the sun-kissed sky on a white donkey, sipping mimosas.
End Scene
Let me just pump the breaks right there.
You aren’t Ruth sis. This isn’t old testament Israel!
If your pastor has led you to believe that the story of Ruth and Boaz is a love story which describes how a lonely desolate woman destined for doom and destruction, was rescued by a rich man who rode in on a donkey and saved the day, then I’m sorry, you’ve been bamboozled.
This story IS a love story, however. A love story between God and humanity, which details how God can orchestrate situations to ensure our provision.
ANDDDDDD…..here’s where we as women DEFINITELY get the story twisted, so let me increase the font and boldness.
Ruth did not stop everything she was doing to go lying around waiting for Boaz.
Read that one more time!
Ruth’s primary focus was NOT on finding love in Boaz. Ruth’s primary focus was on doing the work of God. In her obedience to God, Ruth realized that she needed to do as Naomi instructed her in order to provide for her family.
What Does All Of This Mean?
If marriage is your desire, trust that God will provide. In the meantime, take some time to journal about the following:
Are you more focused on finding a man after God’s heart than you are in pleasing God?
Is pleasing God your primary focus?
If you trust God, why do you doubt that in due time, God will provide you with a husband?
As a woman, how have you been influenced by patriarchy to believe that your happiness, security, and livelihood is only fulfilled when you’ve found a spouse?
What do you need to do to find your contentment in God?
It’s my hope that in this season, you can begin to reshape your understanding of love, marriage, contentment, and purpose.
I do believe that if God has given you the desire to be married, God will provide a spouse in due time. However, it’s important that you recognize your worth and commit yourself to doing God’s work.
When your focus is on pleasing God and being content in your service to God, you won’t have time to worry about when Boaz is coming (so you can stop wearing your stilettos to the grocery store…he’s not in the produce section).
Peace and Love,
Lady Mel
“Are you saved and single? What’s been your biggest challenge? How can you refocus yourself to be content in God?”
