Ask The Preacher's Wife: How Can I Break A Soul Tie?
“Dear Lady Mel,
How can you break a soul tie with someone that you have had a child with? And if it’s already broken, how do you know? What are the next steps after you feel like the soul tie has been broken? ”
Hey Jay,
Listen, first things first! To break a soul tie, it’s IMPERATIVE that you first complete these 3 steps.
First, go into a dimly lit bathroom and light a Shea Butter scented candle OR a fresh bundle of dried sage from the local Farmer’s Market (it will be fresher).
Note: To feel closer to Jesus, softly play Tamela Mann’s “Take Me To The King” in the background.
Secondly, and this is important, remove all your makeup (including those lashes) and weave. You want to approach the Lord with reverence and a bare face.
Third, repeat this very quickly in the mirror 20 times until you feel the building shake and feel the figurative chains break off:
“The Bible Says NOTHING About A Soul Tie”
HAHAHAHA!
OK, I’m sorry. I just had to do it! (still chuckling to myself).
Alright Sis, here’s the deal. I checked in with The Preacher, and he explained that the Bible does not say anything about soul ties.
The saying, Soul Tie, comes most likely, from the scripture about marriage found first in Genesis and then repeated in Matthew, Mark, and Ephesians.
““Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh.””
This saying is one that the church (and if we can be honest, some unknowing preachers) has taken and twisted, causing the Body Of Christ to walk around believing demons are sitting on their shoulder.
Now, don’t get me wrong, demonic possession is very real. However, demons aren’t passed along like STD’s, despite what social media memes suggest.
So What Does The Bible Say?
The bible is clear. God intended for sex to occur within the context of marriage for both pleasure and reproduction. The imagery of the verse illustrates the joining together of a husband and a wife to operate together as a singular unit, in marriage.
Therefore, whenever you have sex with another person, you join together with that person to form one flesh; because again, God’s original plan was for sex to happen in marriage. From this union of two people, a new person is born (reproduction).
However, like we discussed in Ask The Preacher’s Wife: Is Watching Pornography Wrong?, because of the sin problem, the role and purpose of sex and intimacy has become distorted. And, because the church has not done a good job discussing sex, believers are at the mercy of the world to learn about it.
Well, What Is This “Stronghold” I Feel?
I’m so glad you asked!
Sex is an emotional act, ESPECIALLY for females. Biologically speaking, females have certain hormones that cause us to be more emotional. Specifically, estrogen. These hormones are also what allow us to ovulate and reproduce.
Therefore, because of the way we are naturally “wired”, we form emotional attachments differently than males.
Note: No, I’m not saying that males are void of emotion. However, they experience emotion differently, which explains why The Preacher desperately tries to offer a solution to my problem when I’m balling my eyes out, instead of letting me cry it out for as many hours as it takes (works my nerves to be honest).
Anyway, as human beings, we are relational; meaning we desire interactions with other people. So, as females, when we engage in sex, we are fulfilling both our emotional and relational desires.
I’ve said all that to say this: You have developed an emotional attachment to this man, and you are struggling to sever that attachment.
Don’t get me wrong, emotional attachment is not a bad thing. We are emotionally attached to our family, friends, pets, etc. However, when this same attachment is clouded by sexual desire and, let’s keep it real, lust, it becomes a difficult bond to break.
How Can You Break An Emotional Attachment?
Despite what some religious leaders say, you don’t need to be doused with Holy Oil, tarry all night long until you speak in tongues, or be flogged until you repent. And, no girl, you don’t have to burn any sage in the crib or sing all the Church Mother hymns.
However, for the sake of taking some action, here are a few things to consider as you attempt to cut emotional ties with a person.
First, it’s important that you ask God to forgive you for whatever things you’ve done that have taken you out of line with God’s will. And once you’ve done that, forgive your child’s father for whatever he may have done to hurt or harm you (we typically don’t break up with a person who hasn’t done us dirty in some way). Without forgiveness, it will be very difficult for you to move on.
Note: You may have to forgive an offender on multiple occasions for the SAME thing. You may wake up on Monday and feel great, and when you see the person’s face, you want to pull out your Vaseline. Forgive them 70 times 70. Forgiveness does not absolve a person of their offenses against you, but I promise it will set you FREE!
Second, take some time to process exactly how you feel about the other person. So many times, we mistake our true feelings for a more common one, like anger. We may experience hurt, embarrassment, shame, guilt, etc., but we often express anger. Write down exactly how you feel and why.
Third, Surrender it all to God! If God sent Jesus to deliver us from sin, best believe God can assist you with disconnecting from an unhealthy emotional attachment. Sometimes, in spite of our best efforts, we continue to hold on to our hurt and anger. This can leave us bitter and resentful. But when we truly surrender our issues to God, and believe that God will set us free, we can walk in peace!
““So if the Son makes you free, you will be free indeed.””
Note: If this connection is causing you to experience difficulty in other relationships, and is significantly impacting your own mental and emotional state, consider talking to a mental health professional to help you process how you feel.
If you can commit to explore these three things, you will be on your way to breaking an unhealthy emotional attachment. In time, it will get easier, and you will be able to look that man in the face and have no emotional response at all. Not hate. Not anger. You will feel absolutely NOTHING. Also, if you currently co-parent with your child’s father, you will notice how much easier it will become to interact with him on a regular basis.
I’m praying that you will be able to slam the emotional door shut, and keep it closed. No one deserves that much of your emotional energy!
Peace and Blessings,
Lady Mel
“Have you ever had to sever an emotional attachment to someone? How long did it take? How many times did you have to forgive the offender?”
