We are almost one week away from Thanksgiving, and The Preacher and I will become non-vegan for 24 hours (judge yourself). Today, I got the call from my mother to detail my list of items to bring to Black Thanksgiving.

For the record, my family are SHO NUFF cooks. I’m not lying and I’m not biased. Around the Philadelphia AME church circuit, my mom and my aunt have high reputations. During church dinner planning sessions, folk discretely ask “Are Nita and Carol going to be in the kitchen?”

My mom and my aunt were taught to cook by my grandmother. My grandmother was taught to cook by her mother and aunt. And my great grandmother and my great aunt learned from the ancestors themselves!

My mom and my aunt continue to hear the voices of the ancestors, (which now includes my grandmom) whispering to them as they cook in the kitchen.

Out of the Six Lessons My Grandmother Taught Me, cooking was not one!

In actuality, I do recall times when I sat attentively at the kitchen table at my grandmother’s house baking cookies and pumpkin seeds. I would sit and chatter away about mundane 5th grade issues.

I also recall my mother telling me the instructions to make one of her famous pound cakes, macaroni and cheese, collard greens, candied sweets and a host of other traditional soul foods.

Sadly, I remember NOTHING!

I recalled all of this to say, I was taken aback when my mother told me what I should bring to Black Thanksgiving. In her high-pitched soprano voice she said…

“Just bring yourself”.

What in the actual he!!?

I can’t lie, I was stunned.

Ya’ll don’t understand. This means I was yet again DEMOTED!

As the baby in my family, I’m not expected to do much around the holidays, except bring holiday cheer and joy, as a spoiled, only child can. But this stung!

I mean, YES, I burned the Crescent Rolls that one year, but every year since, I brought Hawaiian Rolls (and to Black folk, these little sweet buttery nuggets of joy are priceless at family gatherings), so I thought I was well on my way to being trusted with a dish at Black Thanksgiving.

I finally thought they trusted me.

When I got married in May of 2017, I just knew that after 6 months of feeding The Preacher (and him remaining alive and healthy), I would be asked to make a dish.

That year my assigned item for Black Thanksgiving was ice.

ICE!

But hey, at least ice is SOMETHING! At this point, I can’t even take paper ware, because during most major holidays, Black folk pull out the REAL china and silverware.

Now before ya’ll get all high and mighty on me, let me say, I can cook. However, I don’t cook like my mommanem (My momma and them). But, I know I’m not alone.

Listen, I don’t know who’s auntie and uncle are in the thumbnail image above, but they sure do look like they hear from The Ancestors in the kitchen. However, if you are like me, and The Ancestors don’t talk to you in the kitchen, I’ve prepared a few tips on what to take to Black Thanksgiving that won’t get you put out!

Note: Black people are not a monolith! These foods are staples in my family. While many of these foods are common across most Black families, understand that geographical location, and cultural influences (West Indian, Latin, Creole, African, etc.), will change the items on this list. One thing is certain though… Black people, across the diaspora do NOT eat Green Bean Casserole at Thanksgiving.

Category A Foods

If you do NOT hear from the ancestors, these items should NEVER be taken as a side dish to Black Thanksgiving.

• Macaroni and Cheese

• Collard Greens

• Candied Sweet Potatoes/Yams

• Potato Salad

• Sweet Potato Pie

• My Momma Biscuits (Ode to Martin)

Under NO circumstances should you attempt to replicate these items. Don’t try it at home and DEFINITELY don’t try it for Black Thanksgiving.

Cooking these require skill, talent, a sprinkle of Jesus and certainly the voice of The Ancestors, including Jesus’ Momma, Mary!

This is not the time to follow directions from a box, a friend, our Caucasian brothers and sisters, or a Tasty video on Facebook. In fact, if you MUST make these items while using a recipe as a guide, you are not ready! Put the American cheese down!

Category B Foods

I personally wouldn’t attempt to try your hand at these items either. I mean, if you really want to try these, try them at home, in small batches. Perhaps you might think about taking them to the next Church potluck. However, just be prepared that you will return home with a full Tupperware container.

While these items are not Category A foods, these are just as important, and should probably not be attempted at Black Thanksgiving.

• Turkey

• Ham

• Fried Chicken

• Trotters aka Pig’s Feet

• Chitlins aka Chitterlings

• Dressing (Not Stuffing)

First thing’s first, if you think Stuffing is the same thing as Dressing, you are certainly NOT qualified to cook anything in this category. And God forbid you think dressing is made with old bread or comes in a red box! No additional explanation is needed. If you don’t know, it doesn’t matter, because you are banned from cooking anything in this category anyway.

At Black Thanksgiving, the turkey is not the star of the show, UNLESS you fry the turkey.

Note: If the turkey is fried, it automatically moves to a Category A food, as there is a secret blend of Ancestor seasonings that are added to it.

Anyway, while meats are important, if you have SOME skill in the kitchen, you might be able to get away with cooking items from this list. But then again, if you think ham comes in a can, and is pre-sliced in spirals, you are not equipped to handle Category A or Category B foods.

Category C Foods

There really aren’t many foods left for this category. Not only do The Ancestors NOT talk to you in the kitchen, they don’t even come over to your house.

But, if you must take some item to Black Thanksgiving, and you have some working knowledge about the kitchen, AND you can measure at least a tablespoon without a measuring spoon, you MIGHT be able to take one of these foods. The list is limited so choose wisely

• Cornbread

Note: Gravy was removed from this list. If you can’t cook turkey, then you can’t make gravy. Most gravies are made from the drippings of the turkey. Sorry!

Listen, cornbread, made from Jiffy Cornbread mix is fairly straight forward. However, if you aren’t aware that cornbread is made in a cast iron skillet, please begin to review Category D foods.

Category D Foods

Friend, if you’ve gotten this far, I hate to say it, you just can’t cook! I mean, if you get down to Category D Foods, your family doesn’t even trust you.

Either you’re like me and you don’t cook like Big Momma and Aunt Bertha, or you grew up absent and apart from AUTHENTIC Soul Food cooked by a Black woman with large arms.

If that’s you, here are the items you may take to Black Thanksgiving.

• Cranberry Sauce (in a can)

• Assorted Sodas (at least have the decency to take name brands)

• Wine and Spirits (stay saved Saints)

• Ice

Please note, do not think that is an opportunity to purchase multiple store bought items.

Under NO circumstances should you purchase any store bought foods, ie. cakes, pies, cookies, or salads. And please, for the love of Black Jesus, do NOT even think about purchasing any store bought versions of foods found in any of the above categories.

Understand that if you are shopping in this category, you are probably on the verge of getting kicked out of the family. Your ONLY purpose at Black Thanksgiving is to provide entertainment. Therefore, at least pack a deck of UNO cards (stacksies and pilesies ARE allowed at Black Thanksgiving) and a few board games like Scattergories and Taboo. You’ll probably get a few bonus points for taking Black Card Revoked.

Note: Please be mindful of the rules at Black Thanksgiving. Scattergories is banned from being played with The Preacher’s family at holiday gatherings, because…well ya know…Black folk!

Well folk, there you have it. If I’ve caused you to question your cooking ability, or if I’ve made you cry, then…

I’m NOT sorry!

I’ve had to live this way for years! I’ll be praying that you have a great Thanksgiving, even if you are only arriving with your self, or in my case, arriving with my self and my spouse!

Happy Thanksgiving!