Dear Phed Up In Philly,

I understand exactly what you are talking about!  On that first near 70 degree day, Karen, tried me in the aisle at Target. She had on shorts, Ugg boots and a hoodie. Before I opened my mouth, I realized she was suffering from the impact of warm weather. So, before catching a case, I popped 2 of my pills and calmed down.

What pills? I’m so glad you asked.

*Queue fuzzy lines, soft elevator music, and a black and white screen*

Are you tired of reckless driving, crazy behavior, and foolish talk? 

Do you have eye sprain from rolling your eyes 200 times or more a day? 

Are your lips chapped from sucking your teeth all day long? 

Are you experiencing partial face paralysis because you ball up your mouth so much? 

Are you tired of haters, backstabbers, and church mothers telling you you need a girdle and a husband?

If you are experiencing any of these symptoms, our new breakthrough medication, DONTGIVEADAMN may work for you. 

DONTGIVEADAMN is guaranteed to improve your mood, clear up your acne, keep your lips greased, and grow your edges. 

Want to cuss out your boss everyday at work? Try DONTGIVEADAMN and sit in peace at your desk, staring at the wall all day...until you are fired!

Kids acting crazy? Try DONTGIVEADAMN and let them tear up the house until their daddy gets home to deal with it. 

Bills stacking up? Try DONTGIVEADAMN and sit in peace…in the dark. 

White people white peopling? Double up your dosage of DONTGIVEADAMN and avoid jail time. 

Here’s a testimonial from one of our valued customers: 

I had road rage so bad that I shot up the side of someone’s car on the highway. Thankfully, I got off with community service. But now, I use DONTGIVEADAMN everyday, and the last time someone cut me off, I just pointed the gun, but I didn’t shoot.

THANKS DONTGIVEADAMN!

-On Probation in North Philly

Still not convinced? Here’s another testimonial:

I was minding my business in the park when Karen and Susan came to ask me what I was doing. I had already taken 2 of my DONTGIVEADAM pills, and instead of kicking them in the throat, I simply recorded the interaction. I went viral on IG and now I make an extra $5k a month.

Thanks DONTGIVEADAMN!

-IG Famous in Fairmount

Are you ready to try DONTGIVEADAMN? 

Today, for the introductory of $29.99 (plus S&H), you can purchase your very own bottle of DONTGIVEADAMN and get your life on track. 

Simply CLICK HERE and place your order today. 

Don’t delay!

*Queue very fast talking*

These statements have not been approved by the FDA, CIA, FBI, DEA, DHS, CDC, WHO, or anybody else for that matter. Side effects may include prison time, unemployment, eviction, repossession, dwindling friendships, increased child welfare contact, increased meetings with the pastor, and divorce. Use at your own risk.

There you have it Phed Up in Philly! This is the solution to all your problems! I hope you are ready to experience relief.

I admit, I started taking DONTGIVEADAMN in my late 20’s and I have the thought process and mannerisms of a 70-year-old Blackwoman. I literally DONTGIVEADAMN about NOTHING (grammatically incorrect and all).

Good Luck,

Lady Mel

*This question was taken from my segment “Ask Melanie” on Wake Up With WURD with Solomon Jones on WURD, 96.1FM in Philadelphia.