I’d like to welcome you to today’s episode of Church Dating 101: Black Church Edition.

So, we are not gonna act like some of yall have NEVER gone to church in hopes of finding a spouse! I KNOW, that there are some folk (including me in my single life), that have absolutely gone to the house of the Lord looking for love.

In fact, if you are like I was, you made sure your outfit was perfect, your makeup was SLAYED before the Lord of Hosts, your foundational undergarment had that waist SNATCHED, and your shoes were high enough to accentuate your calves, but not too high, that you could trip and fall during the walk past the offering plate. Oh…wait, you’re saying that was only me? Yeah OK!

Anyway, if you’ve been reading along, you might recall, we discussed black church culture, which included the understanding purpose, function and reality of the church ushers and their God given duty to make sure that all eyes are affixed on the pastor at all times during the worship service. Remember, they have taken an oath to serve and protect. Therefore, any and all shoulder and leg touching, ear whispering, and face to face contact in the sanctuary and the church fellowship hall, is strictly prohibited.

However, the truth is, if we are involved and engaged in our church, it’s not far-fetched to think that we can’t find love among the body of believers. Actually my husband and I met during a church service. That’s a story for another day.

So, let’s discuss the Do’s and Don’ts of trying to find a boo in the church.

Number One: Church Is For Worship FIRST!

We were created to Worship! That’s our primary purpose. Therefore, when we go into the temple, our primary focus should be to worship God. And yes, I realize that my priorities were a little jacked up back in the day, but when I re-affixed my focus, God moved in my life in miraculous ways.

The Bible says “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the lord”. Therefore, our focus should be on Jesus.

Number Two: Do Not Make Dating Your Primary Purpose For Attending Church!

Some of of ya’ll are at the church EVERY DAY. On Mondays; prayer meeting. On Tuesday; Choir rehearsal. On Wednesday; noon day and evening bible study. On Thursday; Liturgical dance practice. On Friday; Friday’s Fish Fry. On Saturday; Missionary Outreach, and of course on Sunday; Worship.

Now this is not a problem, if your primary commitment is solely to do the will of the Lord. But be mindful that if your heart is not in the right place, your actions will say otherwise.

The Bible reminds us that Jesus tore the veil in the temple to allow us to enter into the inner courts....for worship....not for frolicking. So, be sure to save all the eye batting and lip licking (in the style of LL COOL J) for in the church parking lot. Respect the purpose of the temple.

Number Three: Make Sure You Are Clear About Your End Game!

Remember that as Christians, our primary purpose for dating is for marriage.

Dating should never be treated like shopping at the candy store. It’s not the opportunity to get pieces of candy, sample them and determine that you prefer Air Heads instead of Now & Later’s (These are like the OFFICIAL Candies of the 90’s).

Yes, we all have our preferences and that’s fine. But dating is not an endless game of sampling the local flavors.

When we truly love one another first as brothers and sisters in Christ, and follow the second greatest commandment to love our neighbors as ourselves, we will treat folk with the same dignity and respect that we expect for ourselves.

Number Four: Don’t Be Afraid To Reach Out (Mostly For The Men)

Ok, now, I really believe the scripture that says “He who finds a wife, finds a good thing…”, so, I do think that when the pursuit begins, the man should be pursuing his potential mate.

Now ladies, before you log off and throw your computer, understand that I am not saying that you should just hide in the church broom closet until Mr. Right decides to come looking for a mop (besides, at the rate that a man cleans, you might suffocate in there).

But, what I am saying is, ladies, remember that YOU ARE THE PRIZE. So, you do not need to go on the hunt, manipulate situations to put you in position, and absolutely NEVER EVER think you should buy a ring and propose (Hey, I’ve seen it happen). But, do prepare yourself in the spirit. Remember the story of Esther? She spent months in preparation to meet the King. Make sure your relationship with Christ is secure and make sure you are working on developing THAT relationship! Trust me, I know what I’m talking about.

Anyway…fellas, don’t be afraid to make eye contact from across the fellowship hall, or maybe while you are both in the Fish Fry line trying to decipher Who Made The Potato Salad. Perhaps, after worship, greet the sistah in the church parking lot and compliment her on something OTHER than her physical appearance. Ask her if she enjoys Kirk Franklin’s new album, Long Live Love. Let her know that you are interested.

Number Five: Remember Who God Is!

Finally, we have to remember that God is GOD. If God can create the heavens and earth in 7 days, He can surely lead us to our potential spouse. If we can trust God in this area, we can focus on other things, like really developing ourselves spiritually, emotionally, physically, mentally, and financially. TRUST ME, when you go into a marriage knowing WHO you are in Christ, you will be on the right track for developing a solid foundation in Christ within your marriage.

That’s all we have time for on today’s episode of Church Dating 101: Black Church Edition. If you want to hear more about staying saved and single, check out Ask The Preacher’s Wife: How Can I Stay Saved, Single, And Sanctified!